RSS Feed

Old Journal Entry

This is an old journal entry that I found in one of my sketchbooks from high school. It was written in early november of last year right around the time I was have my first MAJOR flare and didn’t know what was happening. I feel like this entry shows what it feels like to have RA and not understand (it’s a little stream of thought like because of the level of pain i was in at the time). Most people have little insight into the mind of the chronically ill so here’s a peak.

“Will it ever stop hurting? not my heart or my mind, but my body. Constant pain. some days it’s better and I can pretend everything’s fine, others every part of me is filled with dull aches and sharp pains. The pills only help so much and I run out to fast. The only hide the pain not cure it. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all in my head. It can’t be though, to many visible signs… the doctors don’t know whats wrong with me and just keep sending me home. I need help. It hurts, it’s making me miserable and angry. Why would God give a 17 year old girl chronic pain? What great sin have I committed that has warranted such punishment? Living with whatever this is, is taking it’s toll on me. My family and Drew don’t even understand the full extent of the pain. I can’t function properly but try my best. I need help. I need a diagnosis so I know what I’m fighting. God please. Help me not hurt like this anymore.”

1 1/2 months after this was written I was officially diagnosed with RA.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Young Yet Infertile

Surviving an unexpected pregnancy & single motherhood after IVF, miscarriage, heartbreak & divorce

PITMINI

I'M NOT LUCKY BUT BLESSED

Rheumi Warrior

The pain you feel today, is the strength you have tomorrow!

Carla's Corner

Day by day with RA ...

Teachers In UAE

Have you ever taught or are thinking about teaching in Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates

WalkingThroughPain

Join me as I live my life with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Fibromyalgia

Lachlan + Cathy

Welcome to the House of Payne

Queer Guess Code

Unraveling Sex and Gender in Pop Culture

Does Your Journey Seem Long?

Living in the Colors...

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

%d bloggers like this: